My head was spinning

Well, I have to applaud social media. We were all getting updates with the
best possible information. My son in law is a meteorologist for NWS. My
daughter was reading weather feeds from multiple sources and pretty much all
of the students were watching weather feed and we were actively seeking
radar updates. My school is built into a hill and has an extensive view
east into Dallas. We watched a "triangular shaped cloud" track NNW across
the area where my old school (Skyline) sits. They got a bit of roof blown
off and a coach's car got tossed into the fence. We knew when to duck. Our
siren alarms were timely and reasonable. There were folks outside looking
at the wall clouds and dangerous formations. All administrative folks were
totally serious about anything wonky. We sat in a safe hallway for about
half an hour. The kids were really sweet and cooperative and trusting that
if their Big People didn't get too worried that they were probably okay.
They were all texting their friends all over the district and knew that a
tornado had touched down over by the Mesquite Rodeo. We had an opportunity
to discuss our personal experiences with such weather to share our
experience about such threatening conditions. I'm really happy with the way
things worked out. It was about as good as it gets for dealing with
extraordinary circumstances during the school day.

Aunt Mary, I'm proud of my daughter

I don't know if she took after me. Rachael is her own strong person. I think she took after Leah Maxine.

I asked to have her induced on Friday, January 17 and Grandmother and Great-Grandmother were both still alive. Can you imagine how happy both of them would have been to have her born on their birthday? She was three weeks late already. My doctor was in the hospital so I was assigned to the doctor late of Warsaw, Poland. He said that he'd induce me on Monday the 20th. Rachael came mid afternoon on Sunday during a football playoff game. The hospital was deserted. Everyone was watching the game. They tried to send me home but I said I was not going home without a baby. They tried to send me home at 11 am. Rachael was born at 3:12 pm. She was turned the wrong way (posterior -- sunny side up) and she turned around at the end. She fell off the monitor and her heartbeat went away. The nurses thought she'd died. I could hear them talking about preparing for a fetal demise. Mark was holding my hand and they were two feet behind him talking about fetal demise and you should have seen the look on his face and I had to tell him that I could feel her moving that it was okay that she was alive. He believed me. Rachael came out really fast and they put her on the baby tray and she immediately rolled over and almost fell off and hit the floor. So, she rolled over at one minute old.

They took her away really fast to respiratory therapy. She needed some "wringing out" She was considered a "precipatory delivery" and needed some help. We'd dropped off Gin and Becca at Mark's parents at ten thirty. We were supposed to leave them with our neighbors but they were at church since it was Sunday. I got to my room about five and they brought Rachael to us about five thirty and Mark's mother called about ten minutes later and asked when he was going to come pick up Gin and Becca. They wanted to watch the football game and their granddaughters apparently required attention.

That is the kind of family support I had. I said I needed help being a new mother with two toddlers and my mother in law told me that it was MY mother's job to help me. She said that my mother needed to quit her job and fly in to assist me. My mother in law said it wasn't her job to help me. My mother in law was a ballet teacher who worked five hours a week. She lived in the same city but she didn't want to help with her own grandchildren.

My children grew up knowing that the local grandmother didn't want to help them or spend time with them. She spent time with all the other cousins...they all lived with her at some point. She supported her daughters and their children. My children knew that they did not qualify.

It's kind of sad that my children were left out of so much. They lived here and and knew that their cousins got the grandparent attention.

I am so proud of Rachael. She is strong and smart. She is a part of you and me and mom and grandmother and great grandmother. I think she took after all of us.

Life Goes On

I have such new experiences. I get to teach children with supplies. That's really very nice. What I see are children that have been encouraged to make art. I get to encourage them more. It's so much fun. I have to believe that art teachers have the very best toys. We get to encourage young humans to extend themselves with such joy.....

Adieu Rylie Lou

As a public school educator in America I have the opportunity to interact with some hard-headed children. I swear, every year I get a "project" or some child that somehow plucks on my heart strings and I usually want to kick them to the back alley and then I get reminded that God has given me an opportunity to share some of my light.

I have one this year and today I learned that he's moving on down the road. NOOOOOOO. I'm not done with him yet. He can draw. This is a kid who has been knocked around and not been parented and he's been in trouble with the law and he is lazy, but has some honor and is just a hot ghetto mess. He can draw. I don't think he knew that. I think that he is astonished on so many levels that he has actually been praised for a good thing.

My nephew is Riley. Riley Louis actually and I've heard my sister call him Riley Lou and so I love this affectionate name and have liberally applied it to this student. I told him that this is something that we call my youngest nephew because we love him and this student doesn't seem to mind that he is called anything with affection.

I fortunately have the opportunity to keep up with Rylie Lou and have already contacted his new art teacher and told her that THIS child might be one that we can pull out of the depths of ignorance and drug abuse and give some glimmer of hope. I know he loves football, but he's not really likely to play pro ball. He can draw and hopefully we can give him a sense of accomplishment that will help him feel worthwhile as he goes forward.

Adieu Rylie Lou, until we meet again.

Bacon

Wow, major memory flashback. I love bacon, I always have. When my father was dying at the VA hospital in Memphis we went to visit. They brought him bacon with his breakfast and I admired it. He offered it to me and my mother fussed because I'm sure by that point he was under a hundred pounds. I know now that she wanted him to eat because it would make him stronger. He wanted me to have it because I love bacon. While they fussed over it, I ate it all. I ♥ bacon so much.

I was three years and three months then.

Thanksgiving

Today, I'm not seeing, I'm thinking about the people in my life and feel that I should tell them why I'm thankful to know them.

AA

My sister. AA I wish I knew you better. I'm sad that we only ever lived together before you were five. I wish that I had so much experience to draw on to tell you why I'm thankful for you. I really don't know you. I never had the privilege. We are siblings yet we don't share more than we ever did share.

I'm thankful that you are in this world. You are the only sibling I have. I have reasonable assurances that you are a kind person and a great mom and a savvy entrepreneur. I wish I knew that from personal experience.

I'm glad you are alive. I'm pleased that you exist. I think you have wonderful children and I'm proud that you love them so much. I'm so happy that you get to have the experience of having our parents around for your entire life. I miss them too.

I didn't get to live with our parents very long. Less than 12 years. I lived a lot of places. Most of my life I've been isolated for reasons that did not involve me.

I'm so grateful that I have a sister. Some folks never have one at all. Geographical challenges have made the relationship mostly a suggestion for us. I reach out all the time. I don't know how to do better.

Hard Headed

I have more projects. My head is going to get exponentially harder.

I'm not used to this. I'm not used to being challenged inside my classroom. I'm very chill and will give you the best goodies if you are willing to just come in and work. We will talk about ideas. Just don't be hateful.

Please don't come up in here and contradict EVERYTHING I say just for your own perverse pleasure. It really does take away from the experience of the other students.

It certainly takes away from my experience.

I'm willing to help you as much as you can handle. I will push you to achieve more.

I may be in Trouble

I love teaching. I get to learn so much and I get to teach so much and a lot of what I teach is not in the art curriculum.

Every year I have "projects." Those are students that are hard-headed and resilient. They have what it takes, they are just directionally challenged. You know who you are.

I thank you for pushing me to be a better me. I love your spirit and your willingness to be extraordinary.

I have some new projects. I'm learning more than I dreamed.

Figure it out

I was recently reminded of an experience in my past and I wanted to share it.

I was driving one of my VW's. I don't remember which one. I was on I-35 headed from Denton to Garland and the car just quit on me in the middle of the highway. I walked across the northbound lanes of 35 to get to the gas station to call home. I called my dad from the pay phone and he told me to figure something out.

I went back to my car (crossing the northbound lanes of I-35) and put the hood up and was really perplexed. I realized that something had fallen off in the engine. It looked like the coil bracket had gone away and things weren't hooking up. I dug through the stuff I had in the back seat and found some yarn and I made the part connect again and I tied it down with the yarn.

Some man stopped to see what I was doing and saw that I was tying car parts on with yarn and expressed some concern. I tried to start the car and it started. The man asked me where I was going and I told him I was going home to Garland. He told me he would follow me to make sure I got there.

This nice man followed me from Carrollton to Garland. He said that he would hope that if his daughter broke down on the side of the highway that someone kind would help her. I got off at Northwest Highway and drove up to the Phillips 66 at Northwest HWY at Centerville. I pulled into the garage and got out and asked the mechanic if he had a coil for a '67 VW beetle and he went around and pulled up my hood and saw all the yarn tying things on and he about fell out laughing. He DID have a coil that would fit and he put the part on and he charged me less than seven dollars. He cut off all the yarn.

Dad, I figured it out, but I was really lucky that the folks that stopped to help me were nice people. I'd be terrified today if it was my daughter out there on the side of the highway trying to figure out what to do.

Like a Fiddler on the Roof....

I've been going into work extra early. Starting a new job with a new district it seems like the thing to do. I am learning the lay of the land and the territory and I want to be on top of my game.

After three weeks I have noticed a few kids that are dropped off early. They are there when I get there at seven. I've talked to Ashanti because she's also there when I leave after five. I'm not sure what her story is, but she is dropped off extra early and is picked up extra late. I told her one day that I thought she must live there. She smiled. I finally sat down one day and asked her name and told her mine. She's shy and has a sweet smile. Her hair and make up are always very carefully done so she must get up REALLY early. I don't know her story yet, but I talk to her every morning and when I came in this morning she waved at me first.

I signed in and wandered down to my end of the world and made coffee and sat down and set up my technology for the day and then heard it....the sound of the violin. Ba dom ba dom ba dom. Dot Dot Daht Dot Dot Daht... I listen more carefully and I most certainly hear the dancing melody of the opening of Fiddler on the Roof.

I am transported to last weekend. We were in Ft. Collins, Colorado for our daughter's wedding. Mark is driving a van load of bridesmaids and the bride around to their pub crawl and I pick up the remote control there in room 822 of the Hilton and can barely make it work and then I push a button and there I see the silhouette of the Fiddler...there on the roof and the music starts. I start crying. I find it incredibly appropriate on so many levels. Rachael, our daughter, the bride, was the Momma Golde in a production of Fiddler her senior year of high school. I went to so many rehearsals and the performances and heard her sing so many of the songs and we listened to the sound track in the car so she could practice and the story of a good man getting his daughters married off became dear to my heart. We even talked about whether or not to have Sunrise Sunset play at her wedding.

(tevye)Is this the little girl I carried,
Is this the little boy at play?

(golde)
I don't remember growing older,
When did they?

(tevye)
When did she get to be a beauty,
When did he grow to be so tall?

(golde)
Wasn't it yesterday when they were small?

(men)
Sunrise, sunset Sunrise, sunset.
Swiftly flow the days.

(women)
Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers,
Blossoming even as we gaze.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/f/fiddler_on_the_roof/sunrise_sunset.html ]
(everyone)
Sunrise, sunset. Sunrise, sunset.
Swiftly fly the years,
One season following another,
Laiden with happiness and tears.

To hear the strains from Fiddler this morning was really a sweet way to start the day. I listened and walked out of my room and edged down to peek down the choir hallway. I can still hear the music. Whoever is playing is really good. I walked very softly until I could see a young man sitting on the floor playing the violin. I was trying to be very quiet and sneaky but I guess he finally saw me in his peripheral vision and stopped. I told him I liked it very much and that he was good and he said he loved Fiddler because it was the first musical his mother took him to see. We chatted for a minute and I thanked him and went back to my room. I must have made him shy because he shifted to Vivaldi. That didn't hurt my feelings at all.

My students did good work today and behaved reasonably. The principal wandered in and looked at what they were doing and seemed pleased. This is a good sign for the new girl on a new job.

After work we went over to see some of my peeps from my old school. I have missed them so much. I'm pleased with my new situation but I miss the people that I love. I turned over my Skyline ring to Monty. He was around the day I made it and it fits him perfectly. I've worn that ring for years now. My finger feels naked.

I saw other friends that I love so much and it made my heart happy. It was fun and we were silly.

We were leaving and intended to go get something to eat and stopped right down the street at Dixie House. My friend Dennis was the manager there and I didn't know if he still was but we stopped there anyway. We walked in and the girl that seated us looked so familiar. She is a pro and did a great job setting up our service. At one point I asked her where she went to school and she told me that she went to Eastfield but had gone to Skyline. I told her that I knew she looked familiar and told her my name and she said "OH, you had Jebus..." She started to explain and I told her that I did indeed have "Jebus" and that he was one of my angels and she hugged me and hurried to her next table and I'm certain that both of us cried a little. We both lost "Jebus" very tragically when his father chose to take his life and the lives of his family. He was one of my very special students and his loss tore a big hole in my heart and the hearts of everyone that knew him. It was good to see this young lady. I also taught her brother who was dear to my heart also.

Today, I heard music that moves me. I had the chance to reflect and think happy thoughts. I saw people that I love very much. I saw someone who shares part of my heart.

In the musical, Tevye is a joyful narrator who explains that life is like a fiddler perched on a roof. Life is survival through tradition in a life of uncertainty and imbalance. We push our tradition for the sake of love.

Today was a good day.

Happy Birthday

There are so many folks I know with a birthday today. Today was my father's birthday. Today is my ex-husband's birthday. Today is the birthday of a son in law's father. Obviously, I'm somehow drawn to men born the end of May.

What are they like? They all have strong personalities. They all like an audience. They all have disappointed and been disappointed.

The next four days bring a bunch of other birthdays. We are the Middle Gemini Children. We try too hard. We find it very hard to get serious about some things. Serious is not created on a level playing field.

Sometimes we laugh to keep from crying.

What is your favorite book and Why?

I'm working hard to be a better teacher this year. I am pushing myself and surpassing last year. I feel good about what I'm doing and I know that I am pushing my students to excel.

I'm doing bellringers this year. If you don't understand a bellringer, here it is..., my students come into the class with a question posted on the board that they have just a few minutes to answer before we begin class activities.

My bellringer today was "What is your favorite book? Why? Who is the best character?"

I'm teaching high school kids. Should this be such a hard question?

I have a student on Friday say "Miss, what if you haven't ever read a book?" I have a sarcastic moment and say "And you admit this publicly?" and the child says "I don't care..." Mind you, this is a child who is NOT a senior and HAS already reproduced. I questioned her further and learned that she had read some Dr. Seuss back in the day and I told her she should apply that information to the bellringing question.

Today I have a girl ask the same question. I try to initiate a discussion and she tells me that books are boring. She thinks that TV is so much better.

I start seeing stars and my head is spinning and I believe that most TV is written for an 8th grade audience and I put the letter "L" (loser) sign up on my forehead and ask her if she truly wants to admit to being a Loser. She disagrees and says that TV is much more interesting than ANy book.... I ask her if she's seen Idiocracy and tell her that she better hope that some folks get smarter or she will be ABUSED when she's old. She rolls her eyes.

What is my favorite book? I have several.....I watched Fahrenheit 451 this weekend and if I got to pick WHO I could be in the stricture of that film....I would be Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice and I would be Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead. As The Fountainhead is a VERY long book, I would refrain from taking on too many things. If I had to pick another it would be..... A Girl of the Limberlost.

Oh, I'm such a nerd, I care. DANG.

9/11 Happy Birthday Jim

One of my best friends in all the world has a birthday today. I'm so sad that the day has gained such a sad connotation.

Most years, I've been really good about calling on his birthday. However, the heinous events of 2001 seemed to make it a sad day and not a joyous day. I didn't call for some years.

I just talked to him and I'm grateful. He seemed so happy to hear from me. We both have been drinking bourbon (it's Saturday night) and we were joyful. He sounds SO happy. This makes me happy. I've got my own share of recent happy and I will shout it to the rooftops.

I see references to the day in 2001. I totally remember so much about where I was and what I was doing. I can see it as clearly as if the video was playing in front of me.

We were in the media storage room at Hillcrest. That was the classroom that was allotted to Academic Decathlon. We dropped Becca and James off at Arts in the morning and were at Hillcrest by 8 am. Someone, was it Drew Waggoner? came in and said "A plane hit the World Trade Center." We were dumb struck. As we were near the library we were able to go turn the TV on and look at the report and were watching as the second plane struck...

I almost vomited. At that point all of us realized that the US was under attack. I remember calling my daughter who was in the Air Force and she told me that they were still tracking two planes in the air......Pentagon. . . . Flight 93 that downed in Pennsylvania.

I cannot express how itchy I was that whole day. Downtown Dallas evacuated except for Arts Magnet. Parents came up to my school all day and pulled their children out. I didn't have that opportunity. I just got to watch craziness on TV all day. I wanted to go collect my children and draw them near to me in such a crazy time.

What is peculiar is that Becca had her college interview for Reed during the time that air travel was curtailed. The poor Reed interviewer was stuck in Dallas because of the no fly restriction. I'm glad that she thought Becca was a Reedie. She obviously is at this point as an Alumna.

It was a tough series of days.

I always think of my friend and I wish him a happy birthday.

Alone

I feel so lonely sometimes.

I have a great family. I'm so grateful for them so much of the time.

Sometimes though, I'm left out, I'm shoved out to the edges and I am disregarded and not included.

Why?

I've worked hard over the years. I have struggled to overcome adversity. I have worked three jobs while going to college and supported four children and a spouse who was supposed to die.

I want to be a part of things. I want to share time with my family.

I don't want to be the one left out and not carbon copied on the family memos.

I don't understand. Why do they leave me out over and over and over again?

Happy Birthday Mom

My mom is 70 today. She's freaking awesome on a million billion levels.

I have been looking for ways to celebrate her birthday. I sent an email to my sister and my daughters and asked what we could do to make the birthday wonderful.

I got a lukewarm response from my sister who lives on the left coast with my mom.

I didn't know that umpteen family members had planned to go be there and celebrate with her. I'm really freaking tired of being ignored. A bunch of them all flew to California to help her celebrate. They didn't tell me they were going there for my mother's birthday.

I could have gone and been there. I would like to have had the chance.