Like a Fiddler on the Roof....

I've been going into work extra early. Starting a new job with a new district it seems like the thing to do. I am learning the lay of the land and the territory and I want to be on top of my game.

After three weeks I have noticed a few kids that are dropped off early. They are there when I get there at seven. I've talked to Ashanti because she's also there when I leave after five. I'm not sure what her story is, but she is dropped off extra early and is picked up extra late. I told her one day that I thought she must live there. She smiled. I finally sat down one day and asked her name and told her mine. She's shy and has a sweet smile. Her hair and make up are always very carefully done so she must get up REALLY early. I don't know her story yet, but I talk to her every morning and when I came in this morning she waved at me first.

I signed in and wandered down to my end of the world and made coffee and sat down and set up my technology for the day and then heard it....the sound of the violin. Ba dom ba dom ba dom. Dot Dot Daht Dot Dot Daht... I listen more carefully and I most certainly hear the dancing melody of the opening of Fiddler on the Roof.

I am transported to last weekend. We were in Ft. Collins, Colorado for our daughter's wedding. Mark is driving a van load of bridesmaids and the bride around to their pub crawl and I pick up the remote control there in room 822 of the Hilton and can barely make it work and then I push a button and there I see the silhouette of the Fiddler...there on the roof and the music starts. I start crying. I find it incredibly appropriate on so many levels. Rachael, our daughter, the bride, was the Momma Golde in a production of Fiddler her senior year of high school. I went to so many rehearsals and the performances and heard her sing so many of the songs and we listened to the sound track in the car so she could practice and the story of a good man getting his daughters married off became dear to my heart. We even talked about whether or not to have Sunrise Sunset play at her wedding.

(tevye)Is this the little girl I carried,
Is this the little boy at play?

(golde)
I don't remember growing older,
When did they?

(tevye)
When did she get to be a beauty,
When did he grow to be so tall?

(golde)
Wasn't it yesterday when they were small?

(men)
Sunrise, sunset Sunrise, sunset.
Swiftly flow the days.

(women)
Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers,
Blossoming even as we gaze.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/f/fiddler_on_the_roof/sunrise_sunset.html ]
(everyone)
Sunrise, sunset. Sunrise, sunset.
Swiftly fly the years,
One season following another,
Laiden with happiness and tears.

To hear the strains from Fiddler this morning was really a sweet way to start the day. I listened and walked out of my room and edged down to peek down the choir hallway. I can still hear the music. Whoever is playing is really good. I walked very softly until I could see a young man sitting on the floor playing the violin. I was trying to be very quiet and sneaky but I guess he finally saw me in his peripheral vision and stopped. I told him I liked it very much and that he was good and he said he loved Fiddler because it was the first musical his mother took him to see. We chatted for a minute and I thanked him and went back to my room. I must have made him shy because he shifted to Vivaldi. That didn't hurt my feelings at all.

My students did good work today and behaved reasonably. The principal wandered in and looked at what they were doing and seemed pleased. This is a good sign for the new girl on a new job.

After work we went over to see some of my peeps from my old school. I have missed them so much. I'm pleased with my new situation but I miss the people that I love. I turned over my Skyline ring to Monty. He was around the day I made it and it fits him perfectly. I've worn that ring for years now. My finger feels naked.

I saw other friends that I love so much and it made my heart happy. It was fun and we were silly.

We were leaving and intended to go get something to eat and stopped right down the street at Dixie House. My friend Dennis was the manager there and I didn't know if he still was but we stopped there anyway. We walked in and the girl that seated us looked so familiar. She is a pro and did a great job setting up our service. At one point I asked her where she went to school and she told me that she went to Eastfield but had gone to Skyline. I told her that I knew she looked familiar and told her my name and she said "OH, you had Jebus..." She started to explain and I told her that I did indeed have "Jebus" and that he was one of my angels and she hugged me and hurried to her next table and I'm certain that both of us cried a little. We both lost "Jebus" very tragically when his father chose to take his life and the lives of his family. He was one of my very special students and his loss tore a big hole in my heart and the hearts of everyone that knew him. It was good to see this young lady. I also taught her brother who was dear to my heart also.

Today, I heard music that moves me. I had the chance to reflect and think happy thoughts. I saw people that I love very much. I saw someone who shares part of my heart.

In the musical, Tevye is a joyful narrator who explains that life is like a fiddler perched on a roof. Life is survival through tradition in a life of uncertainty and imbalance. We push our tradition for the sake of love.

Today was a good day.

Happy Birthday

There are so many folks I know with a birthday today. Today was my father's birthday. Today is my ex-husband's birthday. Today is the birthday of a son in law's father. Obviously, I'm somehow drawn to men born the end of May.

What are they like? They all have strong personalities. They all like an audience. They all have disappointed and been disappointed.

The next four days bring a bunch of other birthdays. We are the Middle Gemini Children. We try too hard. We find it very hard to get serious about some things. Serious is not created on a level playing field.

Sometimes we laugh to keep from crying.

What is your favorite book and Why?

I'm working hard to be a better teacher this year. I am pushing myself and surpassing last year. I feel good about what I'm doing and I know that I am pushing my students to excel.

I'm doing bellringers this year. If you don't understand a bellringer, here it is..., my students come into the class with a question posted on the board that they have just a few minutes to answer before we begin class activities.

My bellringer today was "What is your favorite book? Why? Who is the best character?"

I'm teaching high school kids. Should this be such a hard question?

I have a student on Friday say "Miss, what if you haven't ever read a book?" I have a sarcastic moment and say "And you admit this publicly?" and the child says "I don't care..." Mind you, this is a child who is NOT a senior and HAS already reproduced. I questioned her further and learned that she had read some Dr. Seuss back in the day and I told her she should apply that information to the bellringing question.

Today I have a girl ask the same question. I try to initiate a discussion and she tells me that books are boring. She thinks that TV is so much better.

I start seeing stars and my head is spinning and I believe that most TV is written for an 8th grade audience and I put the letter "L" (loser) sign up on my forehead and ask her if she truly wants to admit to being a Loser. She disagrees and says that TV is much more interesting than ANy book.... I ask her if she's seen Idiocracy and tell her that she better hope that some folks get smarter or she will be ABUSED when she's old. She rolls her eyes.

What is my favorite book? I have several.....I watched Fahrenheit 451 this weekend and if I got to pick WHO I could be in the stricture of that film....I would be Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice and I would be Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead. As The Fountainhead is a VERY long book, I would refrain from taking on too many things. If I had to pick another it would be..... A Girl of the Limberlost.

Oh, I'm such a nerd, I care. DANG.

9/11 Happy Birthday Jim

One of my best friends in all the world has a birthday today. I'm so sad that the day has gained such a sad connotation.

Most years, I've been really good about calling on his birthday. However, the heinous events of 2001 seemed to make it a sad day and not a joyous day. I didn't call for some years.

I just talked to him and I'm grateful. He seemed so happy to hear from me. We both have been drinking bourbon (it's Saturday night) and we were joyful. He sounds SO happy. This makes me happy. I've got my own share of recent happy and I will shout it to the rooftops.

I see references to the day in 2001. I totally remember so much about where I was and what I was doing. I can see it as clearly as if the video was playing in front of me.

We were in the media storage room at Hillcrest. That was the classroom that was allotted to Academic Decathlon. We dropped Becca and James off at Arts in the morning and were at Hillcrest by 8 am. Someone, was it Drew Waggoner? came in and said "A plane hit the World Trade Center." We were dumb struck. As we were near the library we were able to go turn the TV on and look at the report and were watching as the second plane struck...

I almost vomited. At that point all of us realized that the US was under attack. I remember calling my daughter who was in the Air Force and she told me that they were still tracking two planes in the air......Pentagon. . . . Flight 93 that downed in Pennsylvania.

I cannot express how itchy I was that whole day. Downtown Dallas evacuated except for Arts Magnet. Parents came up to my school all day and pulled their children out. I didn't have that opportunity. I just got to watch craziness on TV all day. I wanted to go collect my children and draw them near to me in such a crazy time.

What is peculiar is that Becca had her college interview for Reed during the time that air travel was curtailed. The poor Reed interviewer was stuck in Dallas because of the no fly restriction. I'm glad that she thought Becca was a Reedie. She obviously is at this point as an Alumna.

It was a tough series of days.

I always think of my friend and I wish him a happy birthday.

Alone

I feel so lonely sometimes.

I have a great family. I'm so grateful for them so much of the time.

Sometimes though, I'm left out, I'm shoved out to the edges and I am disregarded and not included.

Why?

I've worked hard over the years. I have struggled to overcome adversity. I have worked three jobs while going to college and supported four children and a spouse who was supposed to die.

I want to be a part of things. I want to share time with my family.

I don't want to be the one left out and not carbon copied on the family memos.

I don't understand. Why do they leave me out over and over and over again?

Happy Birthday Mom

My mom is 70 today. She's freaking awesome on a million billion levels.

I have been looking for ways to celebrate her birthday. I sent an email to my sister and my daughters and asked what we could do to make the birthday wonderful.

I got a lukewarm response from my sister who lives on the left coast with my mom.

I didn't know that umpteen family members had planned to go be there and celebrate with her. I'm really freaking tired of being ignored. A bunch of them all flew to California to help her celebrate. They didn't tell me they were going there for my mother's birthday.

I could have gone and been there. I would like to have had the chance.

Ode to GorganWolf

Your name has been bandied about a bit among folks of my acquaintance. You left marks on all of us.

We are all sore sad to know that you are not there to hear us jeer you. You are not there to hear us celebrate and elevate and berate you for leaving us.

Tragedy? That's what we hear. Tragedy? That's what we feel.

Locked in the Car....

Well, I've heard the story told all my life. I was, I was I was an infant. It was cold, the car was dicey and was reputed to NOT be reliable.

My mother left me sitting in the car and went inside. I was a good kid but she could have realized that I paid attention to things. I engaged pattern recognition.

I don't think there were seat belts then. I can picture a million times in my life where my mother threw her arm across my belly as she had to slam on the brakes. She had quick reactions. In the birth of the sixties she had some of the skills that allows one's offspring to survive. She can only hope that I'm a mutant that has some knowledge of the environment. One who can transfer information to one's offspring.

I left my child in the car so that I could go pop a letter in the mail and then realized that the keys were in the ignition. I was fortunate that a LOT of people stopped off to help and a tragedy was averted.

It was SO hot and it was actually freaking amusing on about a million levels.

I have this gut reaction. I can see the face of my girl in her car seat. I know it's hot, it's freaking August. I'm mailing a birthday card for her grandmother. I see her behind the glass.

I'm in Mesquite, Texas at the main post office. Any number of people gather around. They are all sympathetic. I've gone in to post something and was just so unfortunate enough to lock the keys in the car with the baby.

To this day, I'm grateful to all the people who tried to help. I had an old chevy so someone tried their chevy key. There was one fellow. Kind of an old farmer gentleman. He had a plan. He didn't say a word.

I can see it. I can see this man in my mind's eye. I can see him moving about and not saying a word.

My mother parked the car. She had to post something. She didn't turn the car off because there were issues about it starting up again.

She came out and there was no car. It was gone. She noticed the police chief and others running by. She ran down the hill where the notorious car had plunged into a brand new car on a brand new car lot.

I was apparently discovered at the bottom of the hill in the floorboard with the hat pulled down over my face.

I was a cheery infant that learned that pulling off the parking break of the auto is not always a good thing.

I think I am astonished when I think of what I got to do when I was handed off to the other grandparents.

I'm so lucky to have ancestors that celebrate life.

I don't think I was a bad child. I was curious. My big people were responsible for setting limits for me.

I have spent some amount of my life riding in an combine. I was young. The only time I ever got to spend with one uncle seemed to be riding on the combine. He would take me along and talk to me about farming stuff when I was a small child. He told the other children that he didn't get to see me very much, so ... he had to see me when he could which is why I got to ride in the combine. The other kids lived near him. I was the one that lived far away and I am grateful that he cared enough about getting to know me that he offered to carry a small child with him while he worked. I can still see the field stretching in front of me.

I can remember him coaching me to say a bad word. I can remember thinking that he was about the coolest guy that I ever knew. I was so sad when he got blown up and burnt beyond recognition. He was always such a good looking guy.

Honesty

Okay this is part of the pity party. I was feeling raw.

I love you too ****. My objection is to lies being purported as a Christian truth. That is offensive to me. I would think it would be offensive to you as well as I would hope a lover of honesty.

Either that, or you believe gossip that is unsubstantiated and spread the misinformation further without seeking the truth of the matter. That's all I'm asking of you is to look at the truth.

Is that wrong? I would teach my children that we don't spread lies. I learned that somewhere.

I don't even want to get into politics. I don't really care about political ideology. I believe that our leaders should be intelligent and ethical. Well, I can dream can't I? When was the last time the US had THAT going on?

I love my country. I am a patriot. It's our obligation as citizens to scream bloody murder to the powers that be. I tell young people if they don't vote, then they better not complain. I vote every possible time that I can.

I think it's wrong to spread information that is untrue. I shouldn't have to be telling you this.

I'm willing to hear your response. I respect you.

Love,

Susan

Thanks for clearing that up for us Susan. We Christians do not understand his actions on a good number of Christian traditions listed below we have enjoyed throughout the years in America. I do hope we are wrong about him but I trust the Lord will see us through this mess we are all going through. I don't think if he is Christian he would totally ignore all that we hold dear in this country. But it is a free country right now and I pray it will stay that way. Love you ****

---

Please check out the snopes article.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/prayerday.asp

http://ffrf.org/uploads/legal/SummaryJudgementGeitner.PDF Obama was actually named as a defendant in a challenge to the legality of a National Prayer Day.

This article is totally untrue. The photo of Obama was taken at a Mosque in Istanbul where courtesy dictates that one removes ones shoes.

Whoever created this is giving "Christianity" a bad name by spewing things that are untrue.

Sigh

I'm just having a pity party. I feel overwhelmed and underloved.

I come from just about the most awesome family on the planet. I just wish that they included me when they did things. I get left out a lot because of various reasons. I read about all the wonderful and fun things that they do and I'm NEVER invited.

Maybe they think it's kinder to just not TELL me about the things they do together. I don't think so. I'd like the opportunity to say, "I don't have the money to go on that Hawaiian cruise." What's REALLY sad is that sometimes I do have the money to go but they talk around me and ignore me.

I love them so much, but I don't think they think very much of me.

Appropriate

I was walking out to my car Wednesday and heard a kid sitting on the brick wall say "Hey bitch." (Not to me--to a girl of his acquaintance) I winced and went on. Yesterday I heard the same kid do it again and I stopped and said "Sweetie, do you know what appropriate means?" He said he didn't. I explained that it meant... there was a time and a place for everything. I asked the young woman if she appreciated being disrespected that way and she said she did not. THEN her little friend says "Yeah, she don't want to hear that shit." I looked at her and said "Can you at least say 'stuff'?" She laughed and said "stuff!"

Eve of Destruction

Today has kind of a sad note. I saw things that made my heart hurt. Someone or group of someones came into the courtyard behind my building and perpetrated destruction.

Being an art teacher, I'm a creative individual. I'm spending a lot of my instructional time working on creating art decoration from trash. It hurt me to see that someone busted out windows and tore off bumpers and flattened tires and knocked off side mirrors. Some group of folks spent some time just busting things up with a vigor.

Why? Were they angry? Were they vengeful? Were they bored? I don't understand.

I'm disillusioned on more than one level. I'm not feeling safe. A kid stuck his head in my classroom and asked to have his balls sucked. I asked for security to look on the cameras to see who it might be. It hasn't happened.

This might be truth, this might be fiction....Someone reported confiscating a child's journal that indicated violent intent.....we're talking murder....with specific targets.... Who wants to fool around with that.

Several times my child has given off suicidal intent. Several times we've gone straight to a facility for risk assessment. One does not fool around with things such as "I want to kill myself" or "I want to kill Mr. B."

A danger to oneself or others....I think that's the definition of a risk. I really don't want to feel risky. I want to encourage children to learn. I want to learn new things myself. I think that's why I'm about to pounce on Volume 1 of the 1898 edition of Green's England. (wiggles eyebrows) That's COOL stuff.

I am an anachronism

Okay, I really don't think I am so old. I'm kind of old because I've been around a half century and I've had the chance to observe younger folks.

I can read a watch that only has tic marks. Most of my students cannot. They cannot read any kind of analog watch. They can only see a digital representation.

More to be revealed.

The but for the Grace of God Go I

Wow. I had a very serious


reminder


of my own business.

It was all good and fun. We went to San Antonio to visit my best friend who had moved there after 8th grade. I'd certainly been down there a bunch of times. This was my adopted family. I didn't know what it felt like to have siblings. I learned to love Mona and the boys.

My boyfriend with a car impressed my parents and his parent enough that they let us mobile down the road from Dallas to San Antonio. The boyfriend was a very sweet boy with a car that had 8"x2" steel beams in the door. That is probably a significant factor in the creation of this entry today.

We got to San Antonio. David's mother would probably have a fit if she knew that we made San Antonio in four hours. I've been between Dallas and San Antonio more times in my life than I can count but I only EVER stopped in Austin ONE time at a Whataburger on my way by. I'm really kind of sad that I only ever saw Austin as a speed bump between Dallas and San Antonio.

Tom, I'm sorry. I'm thinking that if I ever get to go to Austin that I'm going to have to see it with you. Please.

We left San Antonio early in the morning. We wanted to be on the beach by sunrise. That is a noble intention.

DAMN. We had an issue. There was a dude driving a red Peterbilt. He'd pulled over at some point and didn't turn his headlights on. He got back on the road and hit us.

The car caught on fire. It burnt. There were fine guitars in the back and they melted.

I have some remembrance of the event. I imagined spinning over and over backwards and coming to with two folks carrying me away from the burning. I can imagine seeing the flaming inferno. I used to have glasses but they got shook off and melted into the Cutlass.

Oh, well I'm very glad that guy pulled that girl out. I'm glad that guy pulled ME out.