Monday, August 17, 2009

Letter to a friend

I have more grandmothers than most folks. My father died when I was 3 and my mother remarried so I got an extra set of grandparents plus an extra set of step grandparents.

Both my real dad's mother and my step dad's mother died of liver cancer.

It is a MEAN UGLY BITCH. My suggestion is to get to her and be near and say everything that you need to say and do it FAST. Don't think that there will be much time. My step gram lasted six weeks after diagnosis. My real gram lasted less than three months after diagnosis. The illness is awful and the palliative treatments are just remedial.

The important thing is that people that love her go NOW and tell her how much they love her and that they will look for her on the other side. I got a "final call" and got to be there in time to speak my peace with my grandmother and tell her that I loved her and that it was okay for her to go. I think she was waiting for me (I was the only grandchild that was far away) and i talked to her and told her about my children and how they were doing and how much I loved her and that I would stay there with her and that it was okay for her to leave because there were a lot of folks waiting for her and that in the grand scheme of things that the rest of us were not that far behind her. (Pauses to wipe tears).

What I learned was that some of my family didn't want to let her go. They were the ones that stood around and were trying to lay hands and pray for a healing. I was the one that told her it was okay to move on, and she held tight on my hand until she was ready to leave.

...and a lady always knows when it’s time to leave.. My grandmother was a lady in every sense of the word.