Dude, It's Christmas

We had some errands to run today.  We had lunch with our local children and planned out our holiday activities.  It's a bit different this year as some of the family is unhappy with us.  We weren't invited to Mark's family celebration for the first time ever... I've been going since 1981.

I can live with that, in fact, I'm somewhat relieved. We didn't really want to spend time watching our step father/father in law act like a jackass.

The weird thing today is the guy I heard.  Sometimes, I hear people talking in my head.  Some folks are very loud broadcasters, especially if they are upset for any reason.  Mark ran in to a convenience store while I sat in the car.  I could hear him mulling it over in his head if I would be an easy mark.  I talked back in my head and said "Dude, it's Christmas, don't be hating."  I zoned out for a minute. I think I plead for kindness.

Mark came around the corner of the store and didn't look happy. He loaded up his purchases and said "did you see that guy?" I looked up and the guy was leaning against the side of the store smoking a cigarette.  I said that I didn't see him.  Mark was upset and said, "he was standing by our car right behind your door."  He moved over there when he saw me coming.

I looked at the guy.  He was still broadcasting very loud.  I looked him eye to eye and thought "Dude, it's Christmas, make the best of it."

Feeling unloved

I wish I lived near my family. I wish they liked me. I am not sure exactly why they don't like me. I do think that some of them do not like my husband.  I can't help that.  I've had several of them say things that made it apparent that they don't like him.

I cannot say or I will not say why they don't like him.  Some of the reasons are unkind, but some of them are well deserved.

I want to live near family and have a family experience. I want to have family to go to when I need to cry or laugh or share my experiences with.  I've felt so left out so much of my life. I've been the abandoned child that was unfortunate because my father (twas kind of mean and nasty) was unkind to my mother. I'm the child that reminds all the subsequent step families of the sad and unfortunate times that went before.

I didn't choose my parents. I certainly have love for them and their families. I wish I could be in the middle of all of the family to love me.  I'm sad that I was the child that was an uncomfortable reminder of sad days gone by. I'm sad that I was the child that was the sad reminder of a sad situation.

It doesn't mean that I don't want and need people to love me.

I do need people to love me. I just wish my own family had even a small grip about how I feel. I am assured by their actions that they do not understand and do not begin to care about me.

I don't merit worth. It's sad for me that so many people that I love are so willing to disregard me. It's so sad that no one really cares.

I love all of those people so much. I should, they are my family. I just feel jilted because I'm not important enough to care about.  I've been so separated from all of them for so long.  They don't really know me. I'm just sad because they don't care. I've been such an outsider looking in for so very long.

My parents are in Hawaii right now with my sister and my nephews. They have made that trip so many times that the nephews are very entitled to the trip.

I hope they have a great time.  My nephews cannot comprehend that I don't understand their trips to Hawaii. I've never been there.  Never had the chance to go.

I'm glad that my sister and her children have had the opportunity to go to Hawaii with my parents multiple times. I'm sure they have a lot of fun.  

I'm just sad that I've been left out of family stuff my whole life.

I'm grateful to all of you that have had the chance to be a part of a family all your life.  You should be really grateful, because it doesn't work that way for everyone.

Super Saturday

I really had fun today.  

We had an Open House for new art kids at our school today.  We had several that came up and looked around and asked questions. 

I talked to parents who were checking things out and wanted to find a friendly place for their quirky kids.  

I run a friendly establishment. 

I insist on polite behavior. 

I believe in being gracious and kind at all times. 

Art rooms have the very best toys. Seriously dude. 

Some of my best kids came up today.  We had fun.  One had a birthday and we celebrated him. Some of them got to work and use the resources and get community service hours. What a sweet deal?

Thank you all for sharing this day with me.  I will treasure it.  

Miz Em   

Keep Coming Back

Today was busy, kind of a blur.  I got some grading done and was looking forward to Art Club after school.  We had a pretty good turn out and there was some math tutoring going on and some ceramic slab construction, some drawing on the Wacom tablet and quite a few folks making flowers out of plastic water bottles.

One of my angels seemed to be hanging back.  I chatted with her and admired her scarf.  She's got the biggest smile.  I saw hesitation on her face--she's such a great kid--second in her class.  I've met with her to talk about things she needs to do to apply for architecture school.  She's so bright and so motivated that any school would be happy to have her.

I have been apprehensive for her because she doesn't have a drawing background and I know that a lot of kids that go into architecture have gained a lot of skills before they go.

So today she hangs back. I see the doubt.  I talk about my day teaching and she beams and says "I've been reconsidering studying architecture."  I tell her I know she's going to be successful no matter what she tries and she says "I think I'd love to teach.  I see you and how much you love it and I want to love something that I do that much."  I tell her that I came to teaching later but that I appreciated the chance to love what I do and love the kids.  She beams some more and says again that she thinks that she could love it a lot.  We talk about what she'd teach and she mentioned that she's taught Sunday school to 2nd graders for four years and that she loves the little one but that she REALLY loves Art History but she's not sure how she could deal with big kids.  I told her she'd be great at whatever she chose and that she should choose something she loves so that all her life she'll have a constant state of "WOW."

It was one of those days....

I Double Dog Dare You

Dear Legislator,

I understand you have HARD decisions to make.  I know you try SO hard to represent your constituency.  You get to VOTE about education in America.  Please tell me how much you understand the system?

OH, your sister-in-law told you that she had great insurance and she's a teacher.   She didn't mention that she was insured through her husband's medical.  SO, you make decisions for the health insurance of all of the public school teacher servants in the State of Texas based on that conversation at your niece's birthday party.  .   .   .   .

Aw, well, um, let me know how that works for the hundreds of thousands of "state" employees affected by that decision.  oh no, you don't know what that means but you don't really care because teachers are defective human beings because if they were REALLY smart they would do something that made money rather than teach.

Dear Legislator,

I double dog dare YOU and EVERY person in government to go in and TEACH a class for ONE WEEK. If you have not spent a week juggling strong personalities and mentally ill children then do not tell me about how to teach school.

I do very well thank you. I teach....(Drawing II, III, IV, AP Art History, AP 2D Design, AP Drawing, Ceramics, Art One, Art One Advanced) nine distinct course offerings and I'm accountable for lesson plans for ALL of them and I'm responsible presenting inspiring curriculum that should motivate all children to create excellence.  I'm cool with that.

I should not have to "step gently" around criminal, heinous, mentally ill, dangerously aggressive, will freak out and hurt people CRAZY, to teach NINE different things. Many teachers teach 2 things. A good number teach 3 things.  Dedicated teachers teach 4 things.  Between 4 and 9 is a no-man's land.  Even PE teachers don't go much past 4.

OH, you're going to tell ME about how to teach children.  You can tell me this because you know        What?  You have so much experience with inner city children who share 12 siblings with their father and 4 with their mother?  You can teach me What?

I Double Dog Dare you.