Sunday, July 28, 2013

Feeling unloved

I wish I lived near my family. I wish they liked me. I am not sure exactly why they don't like me. I do think that some of them do not like my husband.  I can't help that.  I've had several of them say things that made it apparent that they don't like him.

I cannot say or I will not say why they don't like him.  Some of the reasons are unkind, but some of them are well deserved.

I want to live near family and have a family experience. I want to have family to go to when I need to cry or laugh or share my experiences with.  I've felt so left out so much of my life. I've been the abandoned child that was unfortunate because my father (twas kind of mean and nasty) was unkind to my mother. I'm the child that reminds all the subsequent step families of the sad and unfortunate times that went before.

I didn't choose my parents. I certainly have love for them and their families. I wish I could be in the middle of all of the family to love me.  I'm sad that I was the child that was an uncomfortable reminder of sad days gone by. I'm sad that I was the child that was the sad reminder of a sad situation.

It doesn't mean that I don't want and need people to love me.

I do need people to love me. I just wish my own family had even a small grip about how I feel. I am assured by their actions that they do not understand and do not begin to care about me.

I don't merit worth. It's sad for me that so many people that I love are so willing to disregard me. It's so sad that no one really cares.

I love all of those people so much. I should, they are my family. I just feel jilted because I'm not important enough to care about.  I've been so separated from all of them for so long.  They don't really know me. I'm just sad because they don't care. I've been such an outsider looking in for so very long.

My parents are in Hawaii right now with my sister and my nephews. They have made that trip so many times that the nephews are very entitled to the trip.

I hope they have a great time.  My nephews cannot comprehend that I don't understand their trips to Hawaii. I've never been there.  Never had the chance to go.

I'm glad that my sister and her children have had the opportunity to go to Hawaii with my parents multiple times. I'm sure they have a lot of fun.  

I'm just sad that I've been left out of family stuff my whole life.

I'm grateful to all of you that have had the chance to be a part of a family all your life.  You should be really grateful, because it doesn't work that way for everyone.