Saturday, March 05, 2016

What I Saw Today

What I Saw Today  Throw back a few years.

To soften things, I spent the day with other teachers who are out for Spring Break.  I get to listen to A Way with Words on the way to book club.  One of the things they talked about what kind of environment one needs in order to write.  Grant said that he put in earplugs that expand into your ear canal and block out any noise and Martha says she put on earbuds and was able to write with "spa" type music (my interpretation)   I said that I can write in a hurricane but it is hard for me to write unless Mark shuts up.  He's talking as I write and screeches at me as he talks about deciding about what he needs to stay alive.

I am distracted.  He's gone off into glory.  I would like to write about things that I would like to write about but I've been hijacked as a muse to tell his story.  He wants grandbabies.  I want them too.  He's a superstar and could live twenty years and wants to spend time with them.  I do not want to discuss his health situation but I am a faithful scribe because I was going to write about things important to me but Mark wants me to tell his story.

I totally got hijacked.   I can't keep up with him.   I kind of forgot what I wanted to talk about.  It's kind of hard.  I had a stroke that reduced my attention span to that of a goldfish.

I am frustrated every day because I start to talk about something and something distracts me and I forget what the hell I was thinking.

It's hard being an art teacher at times.  It's glorious at others.  We want our kids to ask questions. We want them to challenge the problem.  It's great when they do.

Sometimes, I'd like to write my own narrative. That's my point.

I just need for him to be quiet for a space of time and not feel threatened that I'm not paying attention to him.   I could write glorious things if he would just be quiet and not feel threatened.

He doesn't seem to realize that I have a blog for many years.  He's not interested.  I'm married to the man 33 years and he's not interested.  That's kind of tragic.

So, I move on.  I'm grateful that I have friends that love me and give a rat's ass about my daily existence.   I'm glad that there are folks that have some interest in what I have to say.

I'm trying to express today about how I feel about the people I love.  I love them all.  You all know who you are. I'm still being distracted by Mark's narrative, he won't leave me alone. I forgot what I was going to say because apparently I'm a bad person because I'm not giving my undivided attention to my husband.

That's what I saw today.