Thursday, December 20, 2012

The Legend of the Warrior Amazon Lesbian Hamsters

Now, about the Warrior Amazon Lesbian Hamsters....
My daughter comes home from her first year of college at Reed College. She lived in Chittick, one of the "Cross Canyon" Dorms. They had a deck all along the backside of the dorm that looked out over Reed Lake.
Apparently at Reed, one can have a pet if it will fit in an aquarium.
So, one of her suite-mates B. brought two hamsters to school with her because she had a friend who could NOT take them with her.
They and their friends all loved the little hamsters
They were cute little burly girls and some said they were warriors, some specifically said Amazon and everyone agreed they were lesbians.
Well, my girl gets home one day and she looks in the aquarium and is alarmed and says "B, the hamsters are dead!!!" B looks and says "They're not, they were just fine...they hibernate you know. We don't want to bury them and have them wake up screaming three days later." My daughter buys into this fantasy.
Their friends become concerned as the hamsters certainly look dead and not wanting to have friends that keep dead rodents called for another friend who was pre-med. He comes over and picks them up. Thumps them gently. Listens with a stethoscope and says "Man, your hamsters are dead."
A great wail of anguish goes up and then someone gets the idea to have a Viking funeral for them down at Reed lake.
Some are dispatched to build a funeral barque. Some are dispatched for Schlitz, Some prepare the Viking ceremony, and some get BBQ lighter fluid.
They assemble down by the shore of Reed Lake and tenderly lay their precious charges on the hastily built vessel, douse it with lighter fluid set it at the shore, light the flame and push it off into the lake.
One of the hamsters immediately rolls off into the water.
The other retains its precarious perch and a nutria swims up and sniffs at it then swims away.
About that time one of the campus security guards shows up and wonders why they have set something aflame and afloat in a National Wildlife Preserve.
They explain very quickly about the Warrior Amazon Lesbian Hamsters and the Viking Funeral. The security guard's name was Svenson, so he took a Schlitz and toasted them on their way to Valhalla.

The end