Book 28

Fiction is such a nice relief from the real world. Historical fiction is the best in my opinion.

I'm biased. As a genealogy buff, I have researched my family tree back to Adam (it's a long story but quite amusing). Reading historical fiction pleases me because I can often relate to my own ancestral line.

I finished Priestess of Avalon and enjoyed it very much. My own ancestor Old Kind Coel was mentioned.

I've picked up another book by the same author and it seems really fun.

What week is this?

SQ

Black or White

The following is based on a response to local reporters who were debating black and white.

"I can only offer you my own perspective. I was raised color-blind. And by that I mean that I didn't learn to assign value to anyone based on color. I learned that people were people. I wasn't taught to recognize that skin color meant anything.

I'm going to be 49 in two weeks. I grew up in the south. I came from enlightened people who taught me that we recognize folks based on their character. I was astonished to learn that other people gave value to the difference in skin color. It has pained me since I was a small child that anyone could devalue another on such a small thing. We are all just shades of brown.

I lived in Memphis, Tennessee when the garbage strikes were going on. I saw mountains of trash higher than a house. I saw rats bigger than cats, and they were abundant. I went to Peabody elementary school. My grandmother went to the same school in Midtown Memphis. There is a separate entrance for "boys" and "girls." I went to school with black and white children, I never thought anything about it. I lived there in Midtown Memphis when we got word that Dr. King had been killed. I saw the tanks in the streets. I didn't get to go to school because of civil unrest that resulted in martial law. My parents were so horrified by all that went on. They told me that the whole issue was because people were not appreciated for their efforts and that some folks were unkind. This is a unique perspective.

I knew Henry Loeb. He was a family friend. My third grade class of black and white children got to tour his new office at the new city hall because my grandmother asked him if we could come visit. We were the first group of school children to be so honored.

I moved to Texas when I was ten. I grew up in the suburbs, just in time to hear about all the desegregation things going on in DISD. I went to Garland schools. Looking back they seemed to include pretty much everyone that lived in the neighborhood. Garland had "choice of school forms" so that any child could attend any school in Garland if the parents were willing to provide transportation. I always went to my neighborhood schools that were in retrospect fairly diverse. I did on occasion hear some ignorant stuff come out of the mouths of ignorant people. There will always be ignorant people. I learned to take ignorance with a grain of salt, and if I learned prejudice, it was prejudice toward the willfully ignorant.

I moved back to Memphis in 1988. My father was very anxious about this. I didn't understand why. I understood after I moved back there. I didn't realize that my parents had protected me from so much. I experienced racism. I was blown away. I really never realized that people could just hate me because of the color of my skin, not knowing anything about me. I had a job at the Mall of Memphis and there were people who would cuss at me and call me names for no reason that I could see. I would go home in tears. At this point I had four children of my own. I'd never taught them to see people based on color. I didn't know how to see people based on color. It was horrific. I cried to my father and asked in anguish how people could be so ugly. He cried with me and shared that he had wanted to protect me from any ugliness.

We moved our family back to Dallas. We lived in the suburbs but were interested in the magnet school opportunities in DISD. We cautiously moved back into the district. Our children were all placed in some of the finest magnet programs around. Our children went to Sidney Lanier, and Greiner and Hotchkiss and Booker T. Washington and Kramer and Franklin and Hillcrest. They got a great education. It was a wonderful experience, until we had to pull our son out of Lanier at the early part of 6th grade because he was getting beat up. Our child who was raised "color-blind" was getting the crap beat out of him on a weekly basis. He didn't understand why until another child screamed at him that he was of the wrong race. We were horrified that our child could be physically abused because of his race. He was horrified and had many traumatized hours. We couldn't explain to him why other folks would be ugly to him because of his race, because we don't understand.

I'm in my tenth year teaching. I love it. I hate it. I love the kids. I hate the kids. I hate the administration downtown. I hate working for fools.

I'm still color blind. I was raised that way my whole life. I just can't see how people can judge ANYONE based on anything but their character. I've learned about a whole new level of racism. I started teaching after my kids were all in school. I worked three jobs while going to school to get my degree so that I could teach. Kids don't scare me. I know their game. Every year, I have seen an increasing amount of racism in my students. It blows my mind. I don't care which color my student is. I heard that it should be a rule that teachers love all the kids. It's not true, but in my heart I think it should be. Teachers should love all the kids. Why else are they in education? People who don't love kids shouldn't teach.

My heart hurts more and more. I've been cussed at so many times this year that it's not funny. I've been called ugly names. I give a kid a true grade for effort and I'm told that I am racist.

Racism looms large. What can we do?

Books 27 & 28

Okay I finished book 27. It was the weirdest thing known to mankind. It was not a easy read. Am I glad I read it? I think so.

I'm working on 28. It's a lot more fun. Gawd I love fiction.

SQ

Random Acts of Kindness

This is an edited version of an email I sent to someone that strikes a chord in my heart.

Hi! Again, you are kind and apparently a person after my own heart. I bet you love to go to parties where you don't know anyone and you still have a great time. I love to do that!

Sometimes, though, I do take a Wilsonian approach and try to make the Web safe for democracy...or at least basic human decency.

(response) I am always a proponent of human decency. I work very hard to not go off on the incredibly blatantly ignorant folks that abound in the virtual world. I'm old enough that I don't have any sympathy for spoiled rotten kids that are "bored." I have empathy and sympathy for those that are grateful for anything they get and don't feel that they are entitled to a free ride for just being special.

eep. I just had a very judgemental teacher moment.

I promote kindness and even sometimes have drawings for "ROAK's" with my students. If someone performs a Random Act of Kindness, they are allowed to report it and enter a drawing into the hat. What does the winner of the hat get? Presents from other folks "donating" to the hat fund. I've had parents that donated some really cool things.

I'm happy that you credit your teachers with some influence. I also wrote on my HS paper and HS and college yearbooks. I've always written "state of the moment" papers about whatever I was experiencing at the time. I was SO lucky that I had teachers that encouraged me and pushed me.

Here in Miami it's been very warm. We had record-breaking heat last week (higher than 94 degrees), and it's only May. I have a couple of friends in the Lone Star State and I almost got to meet one of them in San Antonio in March. She's probably going to move to Georgia once the school year ends, though, so any hopes I had of seeing the Alamo and going on a cruise by the River Walk probably will go the way of the dodo and the great auk.

(response) It's 63.5 degrees here which for this time of night in Central north Texas is reasonable. I think we may have hit 90 last Saturday when baby girl was graduating from TCU.

You should still go to San Antonio. The downtown area is so very scenic and so fun to walk around. I don't know if you have Spanish bt if one ventures out in further concentric circles it comes up.

I make my students crazy with my "pidgin" Spanish. If someone comes in late or I've not seen them for a while I'll say "Donde esta frijole?" Where have you Bean? I have some kids who just freaking crack up over it (as they see the double entendre in multiple languages). I catch a new group every year.

I hope your youngest gets that TV job. What position is she applying for? Reporter? Producer? Staffer?

Rachael is applying for reporter. She's qualified to produce and certainly staff. She wants to be on-air talent. She was on the Dallas District TV show her Senior year. It was the second year of the program. She was the white kid. She's the ONLY one to come from her High School for the show.

What's kind of sad is that she could come teach at my school next year starting at about 45K a year. She can get a job as a baby girl reporter somewhere and make 25K, I hope to the powers that be that she can find cheap rent.

I once was one of my 11th-grade English teacher's favorite students, because I really tried hard to improve my writing in part because I wanted to impress her.

Your 11th grade English teacher was a powerful force. Rachael had Ms. K. who kicked her ass and loves her still and just happened to be big sister Rebecca's 10th grade world history teacher. Ms. K. is the nice lady who married the rabbi and just had twins. She had the highest AP English passing rate in one of the top ten urban school districts in the US. I know about those junior English teachers that are a force of nature.

I cannot wait to tell B* about Enrique Granados. He's a hard case. He's a special hard case and I love him. He probably will never know how much. I hope to God that he's passed enough to have senior hours next year. His counselor and I are are better friends because we want this child to succeed. No one EVER told him he was smart (he is). They only told him that he was a worthless piece of shit. He's only starting to get willing to admit that he might be worth something. I think he's passing almost everything this year. He wasn't last year and he hardly passed anything the year before. He's capable. He's in my academic decathlon class. That's the class that has the smartest kids in the school. They compete for places on the team, but it's an honor just to get in the class. B* showed up in my art one class and I could tell in about two seconds that he needed to be in decathlon. He told me I was crazy. He told me I was a fool. I told him I could smell smart and he qualified.

I insert here that I've ranted enough that I'm going to post SOME of this on my blog and writer's corner. . . I get that way when I'm pursuing a heartfelt moment. . . Wow Alex, this one belongs to YOU.

I got B* into the class with the team. He's got long hair that he hides behind. I don't think I saw his whole face but maybe three times last year. Another club at the school starts up, the Guitar club. Well B* plays. His decathlon family doesn't mind that he brings his guitar to class. There are days when that's a good thing to have. He bonds with the other "smart" children. He learns that it's a safe place to be smart in. He starts to figure out that he is smart. In this class, he's surrounded with the brightest kids in the school. He's an underperformer who tells everyone that he's going to let them down because he's lazy. They all love him because he's part of the family that the coaches have put together. The coaches pick their new family members for good reason. Not every child will compete, but some children need the environment to "become."

Today, I'm nearing the end of the school year. Things have become very silly, but I'm in the midst of choosing new team members for next year. Some of the rising seniors can't play with us next year, they have other things to do. We have 3 who will be 3rd year seniors and B* is one of them. He's only scrimmaged in the past. He has had issues being eligible to play. We are over our competition season and today I threw out stuff for the continuing members to start looking for. "Look up the voyages of Charles Darwin." I tell them.

Mary is on top of things, she's already found a reading at the local library about our novel for next year. She makes the announcement that we need to meet on June 11th (the week after school gets out) She wants to be captain next year. I think she is well on her way. She knew B* before we brought him on and was hesitant, but then said, "wait, Miss, he is a smart guy. He's lazy and he's crazy. She hemmed and fussed but she welcomed him as a brother. She gives him crap a lot of time, but he knows that it is deserved crap.

So B* says to me "Darwin? Isn't that the evolutionary biology guy?" I doubt this is the kind of conversation that he has with any of his family or friends. "Yeah," I tell him. "The Super Quiz next year is all about evolutionary biology with a focus on Darwin." Super Quiz is the kind of big Quiz Show overriding theme of the competition. B*o's hair has grown longer. He shoves it out of his face and looks me right in the eye and says "Evolutionary biology is interesting."

Score a direct hit Miss School Teacher. We live for moments like this.

That's why I love this kid so much. I can't wait to see him graduate (the first in his family to do so) and to see where he goes from there. I think I'm going to make him the music meister for next year. I made a deal with his counselor to give him credit for the required speech class in my class so that he had room to be in the guitar class. I don't know if this child is bound for college, but he's going to make some mark on the world. I promise that I will get autographed everything from him.

Please excuse me. I get inspired at different times and different ways. I thank you for that.

Everybody say: "Hey B* we want you show the world what YOU can do." I will cross my fingers and say lots of prayers to anyone who listens to prayers that THIS child will succeed.

Forgive me if I have a moment of pride and say "I want this kid to be famous and tell Rolling Stone that his teacher always told him he could be great." He doesn't believe it yet, but he's just a junior. I believe that it takes a village to raise a child (kudos Hillary) and I will chase behind this child with a stick. I will encourage all other villagers to take up the sticks and chase this child into glory. He's got a shot.

The Enforcers

I had a horrible night last night. I was filled with apprehension.

I had to have an arthogram of my knee today and I knew that involved big needles. I'm a wimp that way.

I was very agitated and having a hard time settling into my "chill zone." Mark was being antagonistic and was having control issues. He wouldn't get out of my chair.

I went to bed after scrubbing cabinets in the kitchen (not my usual way of winding down). Mark kept finding ways to come into the kitchen and was laughing at me, mocking me in his not so subtle manner.

I just wanted to wind myself down and go to sleep and not think about what was going to happen to me today. It didn't work out the way that I wanted it to. I didn't get my way. I was mocked in the process.

I had very odd dreams that involved people that I didn't know. I was still in a funk when I woke up. I was still unhappy with the man of my dreams for being a toot in the previous evening.

I have a pathological fear of needles. I experienced natural childbirth four times because I once saw an epidural needle. No way in hell was someone going to put that into MY spine. I had a recurring nightmare for almost a year when I was a small child that involved someone killing my mother with an injection and then coming after me with a needle. I knew that I was going to get a "big stick" today and I was bothered by it.

I got to school and I knew that I was going to have to go away mid day to get stuck. I'm pretty hacked about the state of things with regard to my art history class. For some reason, I was scheduled to teach the class in the library this year which means that I have NO storage at all and I have to transport my technology (one has to view slides in art history) from a remote location every day. Also, when there is any kind of testing the library is used and I get kicked out (often with little notice) and sometimes I'm told that I can go teach my class in the auditorium with 15 other classes that have been kicked out of their space. So I'm kicked out of the library for two weeks because of AP testing, so I have NO place to go with MY AP kids. We've hunkered down in the corner of my studio art room invading on the space of the teacher (Mr. D.) who is scheduled in there that period.

I'm horribly pissed because I'm losing valuable instructional time with this class. Their AP exam is a week from today and they are not prepared.

I was walking to the art room this morning and I saw the two huge DISD police guys walking behind a young man who was talking into his cell phone (which are forbidden to be visible on campus) They were vehemently directing this young man to go away from campus and he was very disrespectful and kept on going. I saw my favorite security guy and another trailing along with very serious looks on their faces. I heard something about threats and weapons. It's before classes start and there are hundreds of kids on the walkway and of course they are all looking at the action.

What did I see? I saw the huge police guy halt the motion of the young man and slam him up against the wall. The kid was hollering and being ugly and belligerent and then I heard the zzzzip of a stun gun. Just the electrifying sound the incessant buzz of the electrical current. The young man became more cooperative very quickly and was herded back in the direction that he'd come from. I don't think he got zapped, he just heard the zapping sound.

I was shaken. I've seen the huge police guy strong-arm kids before. Each time, the young person was behaving very badly. I was unnerved at the strength of the response. If I'd not seen the youngsters acting in such a horrible way I would have thought the response was brutal. I'm still flabbergasted to see any human have to act on another human in such a way. In some ways I'm really glad that the huge police guy is there to enforce some kind of order. It's a sad statement that our society needs such things.

I go from this disturbing sight into the aforementioned corner. I have some cool magazines that have lots of art articles and I hand them out and ask my students to find something of interest that they can share with the group. We actually learn some cool things and we share around images that are old and new. There is some van Gogh and some Picasso and some Warhol and some da Vinci and some Jasper Johns and some Rembrandt that we talk about today. That is a good thing. I'm just pissed that my class is relegated to the corner of another active class. It's a good thing that I only have nine kids. I am encouraged because a few of them seem to have been studying. What a concept.

I go from my AP class to my art one class. I'm getting more apprehensive because I know that I have an appointment in a little while. I've only got one art one class and they really did actually do some work today. Not a lot, but some. I was busy taking care of other things. I sent "Stonewall" and "Joe Bananas" out on errands on behalf of our Academic Competition team. I fought with the printer. I filled out instructions for the sub tomorrow in the event that I might not be there.

The bell rang and I felt that it was my bell tolling. I didn't want to go, I would have rather scrubbed the grunge from the sink than go. But. . . I had an appointment. I got over to the medical office. It's a weird kind of deal. I go check in at one place and then I'm transported to another to see the radiologist and then go back to the first place for the MRI. The transporting has to do with insurance on the part of the medical provider.

I go check in. I sit in the waiting area and wait for the driver to show up. I end up having a strange conversation with one of the med techs and another patient about how disgusting it is for young people to wear sagging pants. We all agree that it is not polite in any society to show one's ass.

I'm hyperventilating almost by the time I get over to the radiologist. He's really sweet and pleasant. I guess if one is going to stick painful needles in other folks it's nice to be pleasant enough that they don't curse you. I only uttered one curse word as he moved the huge needle around in my knee joint. I did say quite a few "Holy Mother" and "Oh My God" and "Holy Crap." The doctor is so nice, I don't want to be mean to him. He's sympathetic. The lydocaine is not quite gone yet or I'd be hollering.

I go back to the other place for the MRI (with contrast). I'm a lot happier that my head doesn't have to go in the tube but I have an issue with getting into a good position. The tech wants me to stay motionless for an hour and a half. I tell him it's not going to happen as I can't be comfortable for two seconds. We compromise and work me into some kind of position that isn't devastating. I don't mind the jackhammer noise of the machine. I do mind the cramp that insinuated itself into my right butt cheek and wouldn't let go. I was ready to scream after a while. This was WORSE than childbirth. The tech has braces on his teeth. He's really sweet but he doesn't understand. He was kind enough to let me know that he'd go for the pictures that he really needed rather than running the whole program. I told him my right butt cheek was grateful.

Here I sit with the lydocaine wearing off. My knee is offended that a needle was inserted up inside the joint. I think it will be more offended tomorrow. I'm thinking that taking a pain pill and crawling into bed is a good idea.

That was my day. . . .

Briefly, I have to mention books 25 and 26. I read them. Figures of Speech was like death. It's a good resource (FARLEY GO BUY THIS FOR YOUR GIRL) but it was an awful read. Prom Night was kind of fun. I can still picture (omit name's) hair. It was so very seventies and bushy. The photographs are hilarious. I cannot forget my lime sherbet colored halter top prom dress that my mother made for me.

Speaking of hilarious. A friend sent me this picture and asked if "C" was my husband. I have to admit that it darn sure looks like him.

Oy.

Book 27 is challenging. I'm ahead of my goal for the year and I've got the summer coming up. Can I hope to perhaps double my challenge and go for a hundred books this year?

You know you're in trouble when. . .

Hmm which should I do first? Report on my recent books or describe today. Oy.

Books first. . .23 and 24. . .

23- Not bad. From Our House to Bauhaus by Tom Wolfe. I'm posting the links to reviews I've done to give more information about the book should my reader be interested in learning more.

This book is witty and sarcastic and quite fun. It's short and is a quick read. I've read Tom Wolfe before. I loved The Right Stuff when I read it so many years ago.

I never knew that architects could be so catty. Meowwrrr.

24 was an absolute whinefest. I just wanted to thrust bamboo shoots under my fingernails. Quarterlife Crisis by Alexandra Robbins is well written. I cannot fault her writing or objectivity. I was just almost sick enough to puke to hear these children complain about how hard their lives are. I'm so sorry that Samantha got her Harvard MBA and can't get the job of her dreams in five minutes in London. Holy crap, get over it.

My attitude is perhaps colored by middle age. I'm thinking that if someone smacked them around for a while and made them live on spaghettio's from a can for a year that they might gain an appreciation for their blessings.

BLEEP

Yesterday, I'll start with yesterday. We drove to Ft. Worth after school because Rachael was in a play. She graduates in 12 days (YAY). She tried out for what I guess is some kind of senior showcase. The senior directing students put on short plays and she was cast. It was bizarre because after her play the folks sitting around us were asking each other who the girl in the black shirt was. I heard them work out that it was Rachael and they seemed perturbed because they didn't know her. (She was wonderful). Then I find out that she was the only non-theater person cast. All the theater kids know each other and here is this talented unknown person showing up in the senior showcase. One kid recognized her from the news show and said, "she's that TV girl." One girl said, "Oh, that's Rachael, I looked her up." One guy said, "Oh yeah, she's Steve's girlfriend, you know that comedy guy."

Today, well today was another matter altogether.

TAKS testing started. Well, that's misleading, one of the tests was a while back, but this is TAKS week. Can I tell you it is like death. Death would be more interesting.

I'm serious, the highlight of my day was peeling paint off of a wall. You think I'm kidding, I'm NOT. I got one piece that was about the size of an orange and I was impressed. At one point I could see that near the door frame there were chips that exposed the original wall surface. I find myself wondering if there are layers of lead paint to be found there and IF they might be tasty.

Because of rampant cheating on this test statewide we have stringent monitoring activities. I know that not all schools are so vigilant, but ours certainly is. Two monitors must watch the children take tests. They must walk about and circulate and watch the children take tests. They may not read, grade papers or work on the computer. I'm bad, I took my sketchbook and I doodle. Today was the math test. It's so hard to maintain a testing environment when you have 30 kids and some of them finish in an hour. Some of them don't finish by the end of the day and you have to make the ones that finish be quiet. This is challenging with sophomores. They can be so silly.

You can tell them to be quiet and they don't remember for more than about two seconds.

The paint chips got really interesting because we were the last to get to eat. I had to march my little ducks to the cafeteria. They did not apparently get the part where we said "we will travel in single file" because they all bunched up in the hallway and ignored us. I stopped in the middle of the hallway and told the oncoming kids that I would wait until they had lined up as directed. I got some attitude but they were starving at this point and did what I said. I didn't randomly do this, I'm following instructions so that traffic in and out of the cafeteria proceeds smoothly.

I had to chase a kid down who ditched on lunch and thought he was going to get to go get "crunk" in the courtyard for a space of time. I don't personally know the kid, but I know his name as he's always on the list for in school suspension. I did also notice that he drools when he falls asleep and that his testing booklet got pretty soggy. It was really soggy.

Buzzzy took me away from it all. We drove around the block to smoke and then went back to her room and she had a wonderful chicken salad with vinaigrette. She had some strawberries also that were nice ones. I totally chowed on her food. (she brought an extra fork for me) I mean I was scoping out the paint chips so real food was very appealing. This was yum.

I must say that for the most part that I had a nice bunch of kids. One of them is my student. He's lovely and so sweet and HE certainly was not a problem. There is always at least one "character" in the bunch and I got him back this time. I know his mother though, so the threat of "I'll just get your momma on the phone has some small amount of weight." She's a force of nature. He's a force of chaos.

One of my students is going to get arrested as soon as testing is over. He's made some unfortunate choices that involve photography and theft. If you're going to steal someone's cell phone, you shouldn't take explicit photos of yourself with it....just in case it gets recovered. Also, if you are going to carry a digital camera around it should not include VERY explicit photos of one's self in acts that are illegal in some states at all, and certainly for minors. I didn't see the photos (THANK BUDDHA, KRISHNA, JESUS and MOHAMMED). I would have wanted to burn my eyes out of my head.

I was freaking brain dead by the time I got home. The good part was that I got to talk to Gin for almost an hour. I miss her so much. Over the pond is so far to send a piece of one's heart. I'm very happy for her and I love her hubby. She's in a good situation and I'm grateful. I just wish I could push the button on my transporter and beam over. . .

Book 25 is in progress and it's FABULOUS!!!!!!!!

How perceptive of Algebra to see that I need bathing

I'm sitting here right now being given a very thorough bath. I recently had a bath, but apparently Algebra (momma Siamese) thinks I need another one. She's bossy and she doesn't take "no" for an answer. She's a no-nonsense kind of cat. I suppose if I'd had five litters I wouldn't have much patience for foolishness either.

She's had a birthday in the last week. I'm trying to do the math and I think she just turned seven. She was born on the front porch. She lived outside for a long time. She had no interest in coming in (which is why she had so many litters). I'll never forget going out the front door and she was sitting there (at five months old) with a blue jay wing in her mouth. She was very proud of herself.

Algebra is so pretty. She's an apple head (round) siamese (eeek, she's washing the underside of my chin now) and her eyes are so blue. I remember trying to name her. I knew that Becca had to approve of the name or the cat would be called something very different than what I wanted. I offer the evidence of Algebra's father. He was a two week old furrball that Mark and James found and brought home. I wanted to call him Jazzpurr Johns (a nice name for an artist's cat) but I got overruled and he ended up being Smooge. He was a butt, always had a cattitude. Becca never forgave me for calling the chihuahua Tinker. She wanted to name the dog Monster Truck.

Algebra was always gorgeous. We could tell right away that she was a keeper. I can remember when she was a kitten. We'd be in the floor in the den and Alan would freaking torture her and she'd run off and then come right back. I guess that's how she got her name. We were sitting in the floor of the den and trying to come up with an acceptable name and I was brainstorming and throwing things out at Becca. I got to the point that I was reading book spines and said "Algebra" and Becca said "yeah, I guess that's all right."

So she has been ever since.

She had her first litter on her first birthday. Gordito was one of those. He's a freaking matching bookend to her. He went to live with Virginia for years but came back here when Virginia went to England. That first litter was five boys and a girl. The boys all pointed out Siamese. The only girl was solid black. We named them all after Mexican food. There was Taco and Nacho etc. They were all very pretty and adopted out.

The next batch were also very pretty and the boys were HUGE. Harley went to live with a friend's daughter. Then there were Pickle and Pumpkin. They are solid black. Pickle has green eyes and Pumpkin has orange eyes. Nintendo aka Steele aka Meatloaf the brother was a giant among cats. I talked to Harley's mom and she said he was a giant mutant cat and I let her know that his brother was also large (18 lbs large). Pickle is asleep across the foot of the bed right now. Nova (Novhinda) was also out of that batch. She's living down the street now. Nova had delusions of grandeur. She thought she was a black panther when she was a tiny kitten. She would loll in the holly bushes on a branch looking all cool and then would twitch and fall out and hit the ground.

Algebra was a feisty wench. She went missing for a LONG time and we thought that we'd lost her forever. We pulled up in the car one night and I saw her on the sidewalk across the street. I rejoiced and went to pick her up and she had one of those terribly long shoestrings tied to her collar. I wrestled with her and got the shoe string off and she had a FIT and attacked it and swatted at it and hissed at it and marched right up to the front door and said "I'd like some food please." I'm guessing that someone picked her up and thought it would be nice to take home a pretty cat and tied her up with the shoestring.

Algebra has been a bit of a floozy in her day. We'd get a litter weaned and she'd take off again only to appear back when she was again gravid. She showed up in August and threw a litter on the back porch and took off. We didn't realize that she had abandoned them until a day later and we were in a mad scramble to feed newborn kittens. It didn't work out very well. We didn't know much about raising newborn kittens. We'd always done okay if they were a few weeks old. They died one by one and it was tragic. Except for one. We researched and contacted the local Siamese rescue facility. The lady there was wonderful and she kept us going and we ended up focusing a lot of time and resources on saving this one kitten. We learned so much about keeping the wee ones alive and after losing all but this one we were desperate to keep her alive.

She's a brat. We named her Maude Lebowski. She's a tuxedo calico and she's bossy and fussy and thinks she is in charge. She's built just like her Siamese mother but looks so different. She's the one that tries to eat the printer when we print something off. She's the one that tries to sleep on my head at night. She has cattitude raised exponentially. She's in charge and will swat the hell out of anyone that disagrees. She's about to be four.

Algebra had one last hurrah and came home with a belly full of fur. Lalique was born just before midnight on August 2. He was a greedy gut and was always the first to food. He's about the longest cat I've ever seen. He sleeps over my feet most nights and doesn't budge much even if I kick. He's got silver feet and is so pretty and he's MY baby.

We finally caught up with Algebra before she could breed again. She seemed irritated after her trip to the vet and her little "procedure." We noticed that she stayed closer to home and after a while we brought her in. She didn't think much of that. She'd always been outdoors and she resisted.

She's finally settled in. All of the other cats are her offspring. Sometimes she tolerates them. They mostly defer to her. Lalique is the most tolerant. I think that he had some memory that she was his mother. He lets her clean him up. Algebra and Maude are distant and don't seem to fight, but they also don't seem to speak to one another. It's like they are mutually invisible to one another. Pickle has issues. She's usually a lover in every way but she launches against her mother at the most random times. We've had to fuss at them both in the last week for being ugly to each other.

Algebra is the great-great-great-granddaughter of the first Siamese that we had. Rose was a nurturer. She looked after all of us. She'd be proud of Algebra and all of Algebra's children.

Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines.

On target

I think I'm ahead of my goal of 52 books this year. I just finished 21 and 22. Since Yesterday.

I picked up Remember to Say "Mouth" and Face by Omar Casteneda. It was strange and compelling, not unlike watching a train wreck at times.

After I put that down, I still felt like reading so I rooted through the pile of books in Rachael's room and pulled out House of the Scorpion that she's been begging me to read ever since she attended the writer's camp almost five years ago.

It was wonderful and I finished it this morning. Have you ever read a book that you wish was twice as long? This is one of those.

We got up and wandered around garage sales yesterday. It was gorgeous out. It was that perfect temperature that requires no adjustment at all. Not cool, not warm, just right!

I've been still looking for the "right" table and we found it right away in good condition. It matches all the other mission style stuff that we have and it was five bucks. This was a win-win-win situation. Don't you love it when that happens?

We went out last night on our bi-weekly date with Becca. We went to Nandina's and had sushi and curry. The curry was okay, kind of warm but the sushi was wonderful and reasonably priced. I want to go back and just freaking binge on sushi and Ashai Black label beer.

We wandered about and people watched for a while on Greenville and listened to Becca tell us oh so very many things. It was wonderful. We marveled at the number of bleached-blonds and fake boobs that we saw. I guess some folks like that in a look, but to us it is comical. Whatever.

We're down to counting Mondays left on one hand after tomorrow. Most everyone I know is so over this school year. Time to do something else.

Sweep the Porch Clean

I just came in from the porch. There has been a deluge. I won't know until tomorrow if the grass seed we so lovingly sowed two days ago has again washed into the street to grow tufts of rye in the organic matter left by the live oak trees that shed volumes.

We just want grass. We cut back the tree limbs to give some view of sunlight. We fertilize. Our soil is so bad. Two days ago, James and Mark and I attacked the concrete hard bare patches. Mark shoveled in the rich compost of the live oaks that have built up in the flower beds. We attacked the dirt/concrete with small shovels and a vigor and mixed in rich soil and hopeful seed.

We mostly had St. Augustine until a drought and shade wrought havoc. We fight because our soil is so poor. Our neighborhood has nice little finials on the street signs that say "White Rock Village" and there is a graphic of an airplane. We live smack dab on the former turf runway of the White Rock Airport. Our house is located now almost dead center of that photograph. I wonder if the soil is polluted by having airplanes wandering up and down for 30 years. I'm wondering at this point why the live oaks planted by Fox and Jacobs 30+ years ago seem to prosper. There are a great lot of them and the result is that we have a very shady street. Sadly, our house is at one of the lower spots and when the rains come every one else's leaves gather in front of my house. It gets a little deep at times. We have shovels that we use to muck out. I've thought of starting a live oak leaf compost heap up against the house, but I'm afraid that the house would be soon covered and begin to creak and fall against the volume.

All I want is grass. (sigh)

I sit on the porch and I read. I reach out beyond the comfort of books that I know and love and want to read again. And again. So I stretch and I find. .. other things.

I am commended to good wifely behavior by book #20 of 2008. Storm Clouds over Party Shoes is artful and sarcastic and a slap in the face or on the behind.

The author is an artist and seems to be a very nice woman as she responded almost immediately when I emailed her and told her I liked her book and that I thought her art was thought-provoking.

I was stunned that she wrote me back so quickly, so I sent her a link to my review and she came back with an even nicer note and was very friendly.

I like writing the book reviews, it's an exercise in consumerism. I've had very friendly conversations with several of the authors that I've reviewed and found them to be such nice people. I also got a response today from the author of "Pledged" that I read earlier in the year. It was a very sweet note.

My friend Amy today said I should even send bad reviews to authors. I'm not as enthused about that. I don't want to be personally mean to them. I'm happy to write to folks that I admire to let them know that I enjoy their work, but it just seems kind of nasty to write to someone and say, well, "Hi, how are you, I read your book and I think it SUCKED."

I really did like "Storm Clouds" mostly for the art. It's more a compilation of art images than actual text from the author. She's using text to make a point with her artwork. I am very fond of text as I obviously love to write, but I also LOVE to WRITE, I mean with crow quill nibs and chisel nibs to create artful letters and words. I appreciate someone who combines images with text.

I didn't have to beat anyone up today although yesterday I ended up chasing a very big boy. I DID happen to have a broom in my hand and he acted like I was threatening him with it. I was sweeping my porch at school when he acted like a fool and I didn't want to set the broom down because I didn't want it stolen. I suppose it might have looked funny for me to trail this buffoon across campus with a broom in my hand, but it's a GOOD broom and I don't want to lose it.

The jerk yelled at me and said I was only picking on him because he was black. I went off and told him he was racist and shouldn't be talking about my family. He looked totally confused at that point and then tried to tell the security guards that I tried to beat him up with the broom. They told him to shut the eff up and handed me a referral form to fill out. I think they were a bit leary of the broom, but hey, sometimes they have to do things to make crazy white women happy.

Sweep the porch clean I say.

Rude Tales and Glorious #19

I should have known that any author willing to satirize Chaucer and Arthurian Legend in one fell swoop would share my zodiac sign.

I finished this afternoon Rude Tales and Glorious by "Nicholas Seare"

I tell my students that if one of their answers makes me laugh out loud that I will give them a giggle point. Some of them push their essays to the limit in the effort to wrangle a giggle point. How ridiculous can one be when describing Gothic architecture? They try and sometimes they succeed.

Rude Tales makes me laugh so hard, I almost have an unfortunate bladder response.

The author was a college professor who wrote under several pseudonyms. Another notable work was The Eiger Sanction which he wrote as "Trevanian." The man behind the mystery was Dr. Rodney William Whitaker. I wish I'd known this fellow. I would shake his hand for having so much gall.

"Rude Tales" centers around the hall of a Welsh baron who is bored with the lack of good storytelling found at his hearth and hall. The old priest has gone away and the new one seems good for very little (other than the shriving of women folk in private chambers).

There is a skritching at the door. The wind wails outside. It's cold and dreary. Through the peephole a servant spies a hag. He describes her as foul and loathsome. Wanting to verify the information the Baron peeps himself and says "Aye, tis a hag." He would return to his meal when the priest reminds him of his Christian duty to be kind and with some fuss the Baron admits the hag to the hall with the instruction that she be kept in the corner.

A moan occurs at the door and a pile of rags is there. A noxious old gentleman is found to inhabit the rags and at the priest's urging is admitted. Stripped of the rags, he is given a cheese rind to gird his loins.

As the Baron complains of the lack of entertainment, the entertainment begins. The odious visitors reveal that they are in fact Lancelot and Elaine. They have been bewitched and cursed to wander in a foul state. To earn their supper, they regale the company with bawdy and lusty tales. Some of these tales have some familiarity to a well-read person. They take familiar tales and render them in a very "earthy" fashion.

This is amusing stuff for lit geeks. I must be one!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I'm making a mess. There's a reason for it.

I've been really good this year. I've not smoked in the house even one time. I've sat on the porch and frozen my hoohah off for the sake of nicotine.

I must say it has been more pleasant the last few weeks. The weather has been fine, although still cool. I've watched spring erupt in my neighborhood and seen more of the neighbors than I want.

I told Mark that I needed a small table to set my coffee cup/water/beer on while I read and smoke. We wandered around to garage sales the last few weeks and we've found everything but a small table to my liking. I really am NOT that picky. I guess the tables have just been sold out or put to other uses.

Yesterday when he picks me up from school, he tells me he has a surprise. This is also a relative thing. Some surprises are good, some are not so good. This one has potential.

He was wandering around the neighborhood. It's "bulky trash" week and he found a night stand in someone's trash pile. Actually there were two, but he fished out the best one and picked out the two best drawers and there it was on my porch when I got home. It's very dated. I'm thinking it was prefab rent to own stuff from the eighties. It was white and the drawers are in good shape and clean. I peeled off some of the gold trim. I had an artist moment and immediately got out the acrylic paint.

It's not white any more. I have committed bizarre color and design upon it. My artistic talents lean toward the monochromatic arts. Jewelry can be totally without color. My drawings are strongest in pen and ink. My color sense involves the spectrum. I've fished out some books with cool pictures in them and I'm going to commit decoupage on this chest as well. I've got a case of spar varnish, so after I get it the way I want it I'm going to shellac the thing into place.

It's really fun. I'll take a picture of it soon and show the progress. Garish would be a kind thing to say about it. My mind reels as I think about what I'm going to attach to this thing.

Meanwhile, I can set my coffee on it. Coffee rings would only add to its charm at this point.

I better get to the varnish soon before it warms up much more and I have to pick the gnats out of it.

17 and 18 Blowing Through - Prequels and Paddlings

I picked up New Spring by Robert Jordan at Dollar Tree for a dollar. It's a first edition first printing hardback. Boy howdy!

This book is the prequel to a very long series that I first started reading at least ten years ago. I ran through it pretty fast as this was not a new world to me, I am well acquainted with this place and these people.

This book is a "back story" meant to give some more understanding of several of the characters. I enjoyed it as I've enjoyed all of the books, but I kind of wonder what the point is, as the main character that is developed is fairly long dead in the series.

I don't know for certain, but I get the impression that there are supposed to be several of these prequels, but the problem is that the author died recently. The last book in the series was not finished, so I'm not certain there will ever be resolution that is satisfactory.

Ahem. Book 18 is The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty by Anne Rice writing as A. N. Roquelaure.

I've read everything that she's written as Anne Rice and I've heard of this story as her effort to delve into erotica. Published in 1983, this is pretty racy stuff. It's well written (Rice is an engaging writer as always) but I'm not sure if I liked it. I would say that it is mostly painful. I cringed throughout but I kept on reading. I don't know if I could handle reading any more of this stuff, but I'll pick up the next one at the first available opportunity.

Kinky would be a mild description of this book. If you like spankings, this is the book for YOU.

Books 15 and 16 in Short Order and DGHTA

I wandered in to the bookshelf after I finished Pillars of the Earth. I sighed as I wondered what I could pick up that could make me so happy.

Okay, I snagged another repeat. Bellwether by Connie Willis. I love this book, it cracks me up and I get more out of it every time I read it. Life's experiences change us and every time we read something again, those experiences change the reading.

I gobbled it up and finished this morning and picked something else up from the "discard" pile. This one Descartes in 90 Minutes left me feeling like I wanted the half hour it took me to read it back.

Mark was surprised when I told him I'd already read Bellwether and another book before we headed for Trinity Hall this evening. I told him the Descartes book was really stupid. He asked me why I read it, and I had to allow that it was a small book and it would up my book count on my goal of averaging a book a week this year. He thought that was very silly.

Well, I guess it is silly. That would be like the kids assigned a book report who go to the library and look for the skinniest book on the shelf. I guess I just want some hedge room when I pick up the ones that are a thousand pages.

My friend Jane set herself the goal of reading a hundred books last year and I think she topped it by several. I don't think I will get to that many unless I have a very reading summer. I've got several books set to the side that are very edifying. There's one on Gothic cathedrals (enough already) and one on Monasticism (more of the same). I know I've got some buried under the night stand that I've not gotten to yet.

We had fun at Trinity Hall. We sat outside because (to quote Jane Austen) the weather was fine indeed. We were having our biweekly dinner date with Becca and it is always fun. Her hair is certainly red. I told her it was "Fergie" red. We had a lot of discussion about all the meanings of "red" and ended up calling her a redneck and a commie. It was fun.

Apparently at Trinity Hall on Sunday nights they have a trivia contest. We played the first round and named our team "Dirk Gently's Holistic Trivia Agency" We thought that the announcer had left us out of the stats but he said he'd abbreviated us to DGHTA. We're going to have to go back. We did well!

I think it takes a couple of hours to play all the rounds and we were already through eating when the first one started. There was a table of folks inside who were all playing. I'm betting they are regulars.

The things we do for entertainment!

Book 14, Pillars of the Earth

I'm reading this book again for about the sixth or seventh time. I don't know about you, but any book that bears the additional read for me does so for some profound reason.

This is certainly the case for The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett.

This has got to be one of my top ten ever. The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand is up there as well.

I teach Art History and that means that I'm a twisted anal-retentive individual who loves a minutia of detail. Because of the architectural information in this novel I offer up 5 points added to an average for a six weeks for reading it and talking to me about it. It's 983 pages and a student would have to want the extra credit BIG time to undertake it. I've had a couple of kids over the years who read it and told me that I didn't have to give them the extra credit. They loved the book so much.

I'm also one who was raised on H.G. Wells and Jules Verne and Edgar Rice Burroughs. I love a good story.

Pillars of the Earth gives me both. The characters are very detailed and strongly written. They are poor/rich, starving/gluttons, peasant/nobility, sac religious/religious and just about every permutation of human station that one can imagine in between. The poor have substinence issues. The religious and nobles draw together for their own issues of advancement.

All through the thread of machinations is the life of Tom Mason, a builder. The central character, his one goal is to build a cathedral, because it is "beautiful." His life is complicated by several events. Early in the novel, he abandons his newborn child on the grave of his beloved wife who has died in the birthing effort. Feeling remorse he goes back to find that the child has been found and taken to a priory and left to the care of monks. In this period of a day he unites with a strange forest woman who in effect becomes his wife. Tom is tormented by the desire to reclaim his infant and his passion for the strange woman Ellen. Tom seeks a position as a builder near the priory where his infant son resides.

This is just a minor portion of this story that includes politically active maneuverings that involve the highest members of the church, the squabbles among local barony and the quest for the throne of England itself. Included is the martyrdom of Thomas a Becket.

One does not build a cathedral in a day. Such undertakings were generally multigenerational. Ken Follett has chosen to set his story in the period of the architectural change from Romanesque to Gothic and with his narration describes the building formats of the churches and the engineering changes necessary for the transition of style. The author wraps up these solidly researched engineering and artistic issues with the lives and dilemmas of very compelling and human characters. We look at the lives of the characters over time and see how their life experiences alter their perspectives.

There is drama, there is love, there is lust for passion and for power. In this story, there is the love of God and description of how so many different kinds of people come to related to God. The plot has so many twists and turns it will leave you spinning and make you wonder how one author could see so many personal agendas and points of view.

This novel is well crafted. It's a great story that takes my breath away every time I read it. As I tell my students, one gets to the point where there are a hundred pages left and we think "OH NO, there's not much left. . . " We want the story to go on and on and on.

Once again, I finished this book and wanted even more. I hear now there is a sequel and I'm betting that one comes up before the year is out!

I'm already started on book fifteen. I've not counted the weeks so far, but I think I'm on schedule!

TGIF

Today was a relief after yesterday. I did write one referral. I had a senior girl tell me that she didn't care about my class and that she didn't want to spend the money for supplies because she didn't need the class to graduate.

OMG, let's just press my "rhymes with rich" button.

I have an issue about kids not working in class. I want them to do something to get a grade. I don't pay them for nothing.

The girl today is a good girl. I doubt seriously that she has been sent to the discipline office very many times. I told her as I got there that when good kids acted up that it stands out more. She started arguing more that she wasn't the only one and I said that I was talking to her and she was trying to point at everyone but her.

I can perhaps see her point of view. She doesn't know the relationships I have with other students. One other girl, I went off on last period worked her little butt off this time. Another girl didn't bring her stuff today but she is second year with me and I know her and she knows that she has to perform, even if she wasn't there today. She did not dare say that she didn't plan to do work because she didn't have to have it graduate. She knows that I'll kick her ass nine different ways.

Can you imagine telling a teacher that you don't feel like doing the work in her class because it doesn't matter if she has it to graduate.?

What a moron. It will still be transcripted that she did not do adequate work.

Throw a Bucket of Water on Me and see if I Melt

Today was rotten. No joke. April 1, 2008 ranks up there with election day in November of 1980.

There may have been worse ones, but not so laughably awful.

Perhaps I should compare them. . . .

Election Day, 1980.

I was living in Las Cruces, NM. I was newly married (to my ex-husband) and a student at New Mexico State University. I can remember that I was pretty disgusted with the presidential offerings. At a costume Halloween Party the weekend before I'd made everyone laugh when I called up the Lyndon Laroche infomercial and got a campaign supporter on the phone and started asking her really stupid questions and then asked her if his show was a game show or a pilot for a new comedy show. (Amazing how beer can make some things funnier) The very sincere young lady on the other end of the phone finally made a disgusted noise and hung up on me. That was funny too.

I get up on election day and I go and perform my patriotic citizen duty and I cast my ballot for 3rd party candidate John Anderson. What's funny now is that I have a hard time remembering who I was voting against (Reagan and who?) What an odd thing to remember, but I was wearing some substantial heels that day (like I need heels at five foot nine). I went to my marketing class with Dr. Lill. I really liked him and I really liked the class very much. I remember standing in line after class to ask him a question. The next thing I remember, I'm on the floor and the kindly professor was kind of shaking me and looking very concerned. I had apparently passed smooth clean out in the small auditorium. Mortified, I assured him that I was just fine and having forgot my question, got to my car and went by a friend's house. It was about 11 am and we were standing outside and she asked me if I had been drinking.

I told her that the last time I'd been drinking that she was with me and sweet Luisa said "You don't look like you are okay."

I decided that perhaps I'd better go home, so I did. I figured this was a good day to find a great book and chill. I had to eat though and took the easy way out and heated up a can of chef boyardee ravioli (still one of my favorite comfort foods) and went to my chair and set the plate down on the ottoman in front of me and then sat and leaned over and put my drink down on the end table. I heard a rumble of thundering paws and my tiny cat Kamikaze Louise launched herself at the ottoman and stuck her face right into my plate of ravioli. I was incensed. I reached to swat her and she swerved and I got up and chased her and ran smack into the wrought iron chandelier in the dining area (that didn't have a table yet). I woke up on the floor with Kamikaze licking my face (I guess she could have been eating my food)

It was at this point that I decided that I was having a bad day. Unconscious twice by noon in a single day is a bad omen. I decided that I was going to lay VERY low and get on the couch and not move for the rest of the day. One would normally think that is a non hazardous behavior but at some point a spider crawled out from under the couch and bit my ankle resulting in a nasty whelp.

John Anderson lost.

April 1, 2008

I missed last Thursday and Friday because of medical issues. Today I was back with my AP Art History kids and we were prepared to finally do our presentations on cathedrals. I set up my not very portable technology (it takes 20 minutes out of a class period to put up the projector and laptop and power it down and go store it down the hall). The announcements came on and there was some stern stuff being said. There was a big fight yesterday after school and I guess trouble has been brewing because there were offers of consequences for bad behavior. THEN, there is an announcement that there is going to be a meeting for seniors at the end of announcements which pulls out all but two of my students.

Criminee. So we can't do our presentations and we are pushed back another day, so I spend the period with the two kids left trying to explain the beginnings of the Renaissance. They didn't know who Marco Polo was or what city-states were.

Have you ever tried to explain who Marco Polo was? I'm grateful that I am enough of a student of history that I can do a passable job, but juniors and seniors in high school should freaking know who Marco Polo was (other than a game in a swimming pool).

I have to teach this class in the library which is inconvenient because other folks can randomly wander in and look for stuff. Also, if testing is going on in the library, I may get five minutes notice that I have to teach art history in the cafeteria that day. That doesn't work very well.

I have to go make a copy, so I wander across the library. . .while I am at the copy machine I see the library clerk with a stack of what looked like hardback comic books. They look like something you'd see in a rack at an elementary school and they are obviously new because she is adding shelving stickers to them.

"What the hell is that?" I ask as I point at the stack of at least 25 skinny colorful books. She tells me they are graphic novels. I've noticed a trend in that direction, so I pick one up and it's really juvenile. I shake my head and say "Why do we buy these, this is baby stuff" and she shrugs and says, "well, it's popular and it gets them to read." As an educated human, and a taxpayer in this district, I'm somewhat offended (I don't blame the clerk, she's just putting stickers on) but still I tell her what I think about such a thing. She tells me that a lot of things are coming out in graphic novels and that it's a way to get the kids to read stuff they should read. She says the graphic novel of Beowulf is pretty popular.

I'm still offended and I see a theater teacher and an English teacher that I adore. I ask them if they had to read real books when they were growing up and they both said that they did. I pointed at the stack of graphic novels and they shake their heads. I do too. They are funny and cute and nice and we talked a few minutes about what book nerds we are and I outnerded them by telling them that I'd read every play by Shakespeare when I was in high school.

Late in the period, all the seniors came back and I ask them if anyone has read The Complete Shakespeare. They look at me blankly (as they normally do). One guy says, "I read Hamlet." One girls says she read MacBeth. The Hamlet guy says "What do you mean, The Complete Shakespeare?" I look at him and say, "that means I read all of his plays."

"How many is that?" he asks. I don't know the exact number but I tell him "almost 40." The kids look at each other and they look back at me like I've grown a second head. Hamlet boy says "Miss, WHY would you do that?" I look at him and then at all of them and say "Why have you NOT?"

I often ask this group of kids if they think they have gotten a good education. They seem to think it is okay. I often tell them that I think I worked harder at it. I think that was obvious today although we all left feeling kind of strange.

I was pretty sad as I walked across our huge campus to another building to teach my next class. I have a few minutes (it's called lunch) and I pull up my email and there is a message that enrages me. Not a little, I'm so mad that I start crying and I can't stop. I'm trying to compose a reply that stops short of saying that I have small armed tactical missiles aimed at the business office of the school and the kids start coming in for the next class. Several of them stop on their way in and ask me to do things and I told the first kid "I'm really mad right now, it's not about you, I want to bite someone very much, would you rather wait to talk to me." He decides it's better to wait.

Pink Angel comes in and she has a question and I tell her pretty much the same thing. I ask her to give me five minutes and I will answer her question. I've totally lost my composure at this point.

Intermission: Why am I so mad? I've been trying to get supplies for 65 students in a particular class all year and I'm told that I can't buy from the ONLY vendor in the state that I know of because they are inactive. The vendor is inactive because they refuse to do business with my district because it took six months for them to get paid last time. They will sell to us but only with cash up front. I've scrambled for almost everything to supply 65 kids all year (all that has kept me going are the generous donations of wonderful friends), I've bankrupted every studio supply that I personally own and I'm just out of everything. I thought I had made arrangements to get my supplies through another angle but the business manager and I do not communicate well and for about the fifth time she tells me to find another vendor. I blast back at there that there is NOT another vendor that I cannot snap my fingers and make one appear. I've BEGGED for help from the people in my administration and I'm not getting it. My blood pressure is dangerously high (148 over 109)

So, I'm sitting in my class and I'm crying. I think it scared the kids. One boy said "Miss, is this an April Fool? Are you just messing with us?" A girl smacked him on the arm and said "Boy, you are stupid, she's really upset." I try to do my job and help them advance the current project (they are doing well and I appreciate them) but I'm barely holding myself together. I am sure to tell them that I am NOT mad at them that me being upset has nothing to do with them. One girl comes up and says "Miss, do you need a hug?" I accept it gratefully. I calm a little bit and I try to explain in very simple terms that I am frustrated by the way that our district does business because it keeps me from being able to provide the best I can for our kids. I want to bite someone.

They are all working and I go sit down. Pink Angel comes up to me and she says "Miss, it's okay. It's going to be okay. You're alive. Just pray to God and it will be okay. God loves you Miss, and I love you Miss. "

I almost melt down again. She tells me that if I want to get another job that she bets her daddy can get me another job. She says she knows I'm a good worker. She offers a donation of ten dollars. This is a ninth grade child who is fifteen. I tell her to keep her money but then she asks if I can at least go get her a Sprite out of the teacher machine (20 oz bottles instead of 12 oz cans). She said if I have change for a ten then I could have nine of it.

I go get her Sprite and I come back and she hugs me and holds me close and says "Miss, it's going to be okay."

During my conference period, I go to my friend the nurse and she takes my aforementioned blood pressure and fusses at me. She tells me I'm going to die if my blood pressure doesn't go down. She directs me to our friend the dean. I talk to him and he tells me who I need to talk to solve my problem. I start crying again and he's kind, but tells me that he cannot solve my problem, but directs me to a specific person.

I go to the main office, I'm obviously distraught. The office ladies want to know what I want and I tell them that I need to talk to someone in particular who happens not to be available. They take me out of the lobby and have me sit and give me kleenex. I can see that the principal is in his office meeting with someone and I'm sitting outside waiting for the other dean. The principal escorts out his guest and he sees me and he names my class that I'm having issue with and I melt down again and he has me come in. He makes several phone calls and promises that he will do what he can to get me what I need for my students. I tell him that I'm not being a big girl today and he's so nice and says I don't have to be.

I get to my next class which is filled with my incredibly smart kids that I love more than anything. They are kind and offer to beat up the world for me. I'm so grateful for them. They are strange and quirky and so so smart. They love to learn for learning's sake. They are every shape size and color and they are a family, and I'm grateful to be part of that family. This is the good part of the day.

Drumrollllll. I get to go get the results from my MRI. I've apparently got an almost complete tear in one of the tendons in my shoulder. Not all the way, just mostly all the way. My chiropractor looks at the report and says, well, this means surgery.

Chiropractors usually don't say the surgery word. DAMN.

This does not sound like fun.